I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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