shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
