It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
