i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
