your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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