"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
