"it" just moved
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
