you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
