theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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