I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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