he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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