My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
