oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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