ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
