Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
