OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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