he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize