sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
