Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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