As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
