i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
