At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
