I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm too high and old for this...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
