the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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