You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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