Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
