Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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