Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
