I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
