it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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