why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i think im in europe. pls send help
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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