Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize