Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
