i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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