wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
