Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
