I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
