no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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