So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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