it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
