I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
