dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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