Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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