I will die if light touches me.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
