I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
