My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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