Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
