I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
