Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
