The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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