question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
