did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
