And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
