I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
