Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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