finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
