SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was confusing and full of hummus
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
