If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
