So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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