I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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