i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
