is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
