The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
