What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
