ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
