I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Rumble strips road head = magical
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
