it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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