i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
