hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
