worst night to have a conscience
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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