Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
and she was petting her beer can
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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