You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
