i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
