So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
