maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
