my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
