I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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