I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
