OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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