I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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